Monday, 4 June 2012

Kylie and the Queen STEP BACK IN TIME

I like things such as social media and blogs to happen in real time, otherwise I feel like I'm commenting on yesterday's news.  How ironic that yesterday's news is as English as fish and chips but lacked the sparkle or quality of a diamond or a diamond jubilee.

It has taken me this long since watching Kylie's performance at the Queen's Jubilee Royal Arena Spectacular to pick my jaw back up off the floor.  As someone who professionally enjoys to sink their teeth into a creative concept or brief, I can't for the life of me figure out what Kylie's creative director was thinking when they sunk what I imagine to be their old false teeth into this performance.

The concert was in celebration of the Queen's 60 year reign and maybe this explain why the stylist chose an outfit Kylie might have actually worn 60 years ago.  The buttons as a statement feature literally popped, and genuinely served to remind me of the Pussy Cat Doll's fourth single off their PCD album.... aptly titled Buttons.  I think PCD was released in like the 90's or something, this might be the tie in reference for the 90's choreography by the female back up dancers.

Let's give a shout out to those female dancers.  With the Daily Mail rumouring the worldwide Jubilee audience could exceed a billion (BILLION not a MILLION, that's 'The Voice' nightly audience times 500) it genuinely takes courage to wear a hat inspired by the feathered head dresses worn by the queens horses (and all the queens men) when pulling the royal carriage.  Clearly it was these hats and their equestrian reference that inspired the girls silver harness detailing and must have been the reason behind pulling out ye ole 90's favourite dance step 'the pony'.  The pony dance step can often be seen at Eisteddfods in the pre-teen age groups and was a favourite amongst choreographers between 1989-1996.

I personally have never considered dressing my female talent in a baggy silver pair of shorts.  Being such a bold and rarely seen before fashion choice, perhaps it was a smart move to somewhat disguise them beneath a knee length skirt.  The queen would dig this fashion choice and agree it was 'blooming marvellous' because at 86 years old, all of her skirts are knee length too.

I would have spent a little more time rehearsing Kylie's onstage dramatic costume change.  The old favourite 'throw of a jacket offstage' was a massive hit during both Frank Sinatra and the Queen's hey day, but I would have worked a little harder to ensure the camera didn't close up on Kylie's shoulder area and her Spanx Shapewear the newly revealed corset was not designed to cover.

And what a corset it was!  The design of this was appreciated by two whole new demographics, neither of which is the Queen's age.  Young GAGA fans would have saluted their union jack flags to the bra strap pearl necklace reference and the young at heart Madonna fans would have loved it's salute to Madonna's cone bra (and what an era that was)!

I really would have liked our Kylie to have BYO'd a set or a water fountain...... or ....... a water fountain and a set but maybe she didn't cause the set would have got ruined if it happened to rain at the Queen's jubilee celebration of her 60 year reign.

It's was certainly obvious by the mid section of Kylie's performance that her hit 'Step Back in Time' was ultimately the inspiration for all of these choices.

I'm very glad the Queen arrived in time to see Kylie.  I mean she arrived fashionably late.  A whole 90 minutes fashionably late missing Jessie J, Grace and Tom Jones (don't know that couple), Cheryl Cole and Cliff Richard's salute to the England's love of canned salmon.  But she had planted her box in her royal box just in time to see our Pop Princess.

I hope Kylie didn't notice the Queen was literally wearing yellow ear plugs during her well thought out performance.  A little fashion advice for Elizabeth, nude and skin toned shoes lengthen the leg and nude or skin toned ear plugs are less visible by the entire world's media.

DISCLAIMER: a heartfelt apology to Master Craig Dimples


  1. On the eve of my 1 year anniversary ( meeting Kylie) I am feeling quite nostalgic today and unfazed by any negative comments ;) .
    Princess Kylie got out her hot glue gun and created a little outfit- top marks for effort. Its like a cute little girl dressing up and performing for her nanna..
    I would like to say that she was given the chance to do THREE songs and I don't believe anyone else had that honour.
    I do have to say that I am very flattered you tempered your post with some restraint and bearing me in mind.
    If i smiled whilst reading your blog would mean forgiveness right? well I actually laughed.. :D x xx

  2. Dimples your poise and genius in the above statement does not go unnoticed nor unappreciated. Literally read it and laughed out loud not lol'd but LAUGHED OUT LOUD!

  3. Replies
    1. Can't stab your friends in the back, can't even stab my enemies in the back x

  4. The only thing not dated about Kylie's performance was her face! The rest of it - costume, choreography, staging - had the feel of a bad 90's Rock Estieddfod.

    Compared the half time Suprbowl performance of the long-raigning Queen Madonna, I fear Kylie has had her 'jump the shark' moment and destined only for late night "Where Are They Now" tv specials.

    St. Murphy

  5. MADONNA? the woman who has peeked into and photocopied her kids diaries to use for lyrics for MDNA album? that woman? ...

    The same woman who pillages the poorer countries for children, whilst avoiding the law of the country and abandoning them after promising to build schools and return with the children to stay in contact with their natural families.

    The same woman Who has learnt NOTHING from her Kabbalah teachings. The same woman who then proceeds to bleat all over the place about how money doesn't make her happy whilst all the while avoiding Australia because the Aussie dollar was pitiful for her ungrateful, WRINKLY and Chanel fingerless gloved,spoilt hands??.

    As for the Superbowl ....performance.... She didn't even sing a single note. Couldn't even mime properly despite all her experience doing it (badly) for years- and they give Britney shit for miming..That same woman?
    She didnt disappear into the stage into at the end of that ....*cough* show- she was sucked into the arse of her sycophant mismanaging entourage.

    The same woman who is so out of touch with her fans that in her own words once said " I treat them like sh*t and they still love me" ... that same one?

    St Murphy I do love you but as for Madonna .... She lost me at ungrateful


  6. Adam your blog posts really make me laugh. Love your work!

    1. thank you so much babe, this was as KIND as I could make this post x