Saturday, 16 June 2012

My search for the fountain of youth! FOUND IT!

FACT: Scientifically proven ACTUAL Fountain Of Youth

Fact NOT fiction!

My search for the Fountain Of Youth.

It's been my life long dream and ambition to know the secret code, location and whereabouts of the magic Fountain Of Youth that we have read about in so many mythical literatures. 

I dream in technicolor that I should be one of the select few who may one day stumble across such a priceless body of magical liquid.  A liquid that when once submerged beneath its blanket of warm healing properties will diminish the aches and pains of every day life, remove the war stories engraved in line text brail on ones forehead and eliminate the battle scars we nightmarishly refer to as 'wrinkle'.  

I pray to be guided hypnotically towards its drinkable direction.

I preempt in my head the sweet sound of a delicate harpsichord accompaniment as I imagine testing the temperature of its tranquility by dipping my toe into this sumptuous serum.  

In slow motion, the movie in my mind cross fades between each frame allowing me time to savour the densely decorated spectacle of a full Fountain Of Youth cup.... that runneth over.   

I fantasise the ponds potion has an aroma as exotic as its promise of eternal youth and as enchanting as her spellbinding ingredients.  

Surely should I find such a fountain, then each sense shall be indulged? 

But how would I find it?

How would I find the hidden treasure?

I imagine any map hinting at the secret Fountain Of Youth's location would be coded.  A booming baritone logical inner dialogue predicts the true reader of the map and the only one to see clearly through its blurred code would be the blind, and the faithful.  

So I chose to trust that blind faith!  With endless hot air filling my sails and pure aspirational innocence insisting the fountain's location was just beyond the river bend, I trusted blind faith would float me forth and propel me towards such an idealistic destination, an idealistic outcome and an idealistic treasure.

But then my ship called 'Blind Faith' hit some stormy weather.  Retrospectively the damage was minimal, but the hull started to look a bit..... how do I say this?.... well.... OLD!  

Some spack filler tried to hide the dints on the port side and a regular fresh coat of paint did its best to hide the damage the sun had already caused, but regardless of endless maintenance and new technologies utilised to try and keep the ships forehead sailing smooth, the damage was already done!

The boat was showing her age and the pirates had noticed her vulnerability in particular problem areas. 

Her cargo didn't just feel heavier.... it LOOKED heavier.

I, as Captain was sailing along with a bit too much junk in my trunk.

'Captain I Ay-Ay' couldn't really be bothered pushing ship up stream anymore and even if I did try, the wooden joints moaned and groaned and sprung leaks at the most inappropriate times!

Choosing to lower my anchor at islands I wouldn't have even looked twice at in my younger years, I rested my weary old ship's body and couldn't even be bothered watching an adult DVD and walking my own plank each night before I went to bed.  

Even the memories of a brighter day were becoming as rusty as the nails holding the whole thing together. 

My telescope was so focused on just trying to sail my sorry old piece of ship through each day, that I forgot about the promised destination and I forgot I was even looking for the magic treasure. 

I forgot about the possible existence of the far away yonder Fountain Of Youth and the mythical promise of Nature's magic.

And then I found it!

I found the hidden treasure!


Colour me happy, it was in Toby Osmond's backyard THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME!

Maybe the reason it was so frigging hard to find was because it's not even called the fountain of youth, it's called the Moree Artisian Baths!

The Fountain Of Youth Moree Artisian Baths definitely smell exotic (if you know what I mean) but there ain't no harpsichord accompaniment when you pay your $6.50 entry fee.

HOWEVER.... there is some SERIOUS scientific benefits to letting some water go on a CRAZY arse journey for over a million years and then lying your weary, sorry old crazy arse around in it to rest, rejuvinate and re-YOUTH! 

Why is this a scientifically proven Fountain Of Youth and where the hell can I get me some for my old arse?

All will be revealed.............


Hey scientifically proven 'Youth Fountain' make us younger and prettier and smarter!
Ok, just make us YOUNGER!

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