A word, a 4 letter word!

I was called to a meeting.  A meeting with a very powerful team.  A team who can take their magic paint brush and with a splattering of black and white ink, sway public opinion left and right like the over pronounced hips on a Victoria Secret Model.... A Victoria Secret model who was born a man.

My apologies to 'ink'.  No one should be judged pending their colour, but ink quite literally IS black OR white..... actually, ink can be blue?!


Also my apologies to all of those Victoria Secret Models that were born men.  I walk like that too!

My meeting was HERE:

We are one, but we are many.... words!

I can't tell you the subject of my meet.  It's confidential.  It's STRICTLY confidential.  If it was any MORE 'Strictly Confidential' you'd be correct in assuming it was written by Roxy Jacenko.  But it wasn't (if you know what I mean).  It was written by someone else.

For the purpose of this blog post, let's assume my meeting was about a four letter word....

'SHOE'

What type of shoe were we meeting about I hear you ask?

To be honest, people say it's a pretty shoe.... but it's a shoe that has walked round the block more times than it cares to admit.  A shoe cleverly designed and somewhat manufactured to sparkle in the light.... but enjoys kicking up its 8 inch heel in the dark.  Perhaps the shoe in question is a little older than its polished patent leathery vaneer appears?  But this shoe has an instep that can be supportive, and a heel that when it digs in deep enough....... has a decent shoe SOUL!

Are you thinking of the right shoe?

or the LEFT?

it's irrelevant, it's just....

A SHOE
(bless you)

TBC!

May the force B (for Bingle) with you?

Spread it!

Love her or hate her.  Everyone has an opinion.  And herein lies what actually might be the most interesting thing about Australian beauty LB.... EVERYONE has an opinion.

It's borderline impossible to find someone who is non partial to Lara's lifestyle, antics, headlines, car, relationships, rumoured relationships, clothes, sex life, body shape, pap shots, hair style, hair colour, nail colour, lipstick colour, skin colour, the list goes on.  You either love it or hate it.... BUT you all took the time to have a look, make your decision.... and then voice it.

Interesting don't you think.  Or do I mean interested?!

Either way, we have a person of interest and definitely in Ms LB's case..... slight fascination.

Last night was the premier episode of Lara's brand new Channel 10 show 'Being Lara Being'.  Of course you already knew this unless you were living under a big Ayers Rock with a broken television antenna, no radio signal and you're currently in a contract with Vodafone so your Twitter feed and your Facebook friends weren't giving you a count down until the opening credits, followed by a minute by minute re-cap of their updated thoughts on each segment and story arch in the episode..... and their expert educated opinion on her lipstick colour.

Heck, even our Prime Minister knew the time the show was going to air and discussed this on live radio.  This is the same Prime Minister who doesn't even know that I am equal to you (Equal Love).... but that's a whole other blog.

So Australia tuned in last night to see first hand what I had already learnt about mate LB.  She's just a cruisey cool chic, somewhat GHASP normal, damn down to earth beach chic chick with an ef'fing fabulous fashion sense, adore-abubble friends, a dumb arse brother with a fine taste for creme caramels (that makes him even cuter), a bloody legendary family and genuinely captivating aquatic blue eyes.

Rumour on the street is those are some exotic and talented 'come f@*&k me eyes!'

I can confirm on very good authority that they certainly are talented.  Geez Louise, we all want rave reviews in that personal apparel department?  It takes lots of practice and two to tango in order to win the mirror ball trophy while performing the dance of love, lust, or the dance of passion (depending on who you ask).

Those not voting for Lara in the next election often label Bingle a bimbo.  There's a whopping difference greater than the girth of a size DD cup between a stupid bimbo and a simple placid girl (leading anything other than a simple placid life) who at times may have gained from some equal part tough love while being wrapped up in a bit of cotton wool.

Interesting then to learn, the one man who may have gained the most personally from investing in cotton wool to wrap LB up in, was recently vacuumed off the carpet.

But nothing about Lara Bingle is swept UNDER the carpet.  It's all out there for us to see and enjoy like a hand full of side tittie.

I'm looking forward to the day we can watch the spectacle wearing LB's eyewear range.  If there's one thing the girl does PERFECTLY, it's fashion.  So these should hit the nail on the head or is that put the shade on the face.  It's one thing to design a brilliant pair of glasses but it's another thing to market them.  Some companies pay millions in brand advertisement so we are aware they even exist, and some brands are paid by companies to have a single camera follow them around to remind us they are simply existing.

Think about it, it's sorta a no brainer which one I'd prefer to be.

So who is right about beauty Lara Bingle?  The lovers or the haters?

We are going to find out.................  right after this quick commercial break:

This commercial break was brought to you by one chick just living her life, it was not brought to you by Bruce and Kris Jenner, Khloe, Kourtney and Rob Kardashian.  Nor was it brought to you by the force that is Ryan Seacrest nor the force behind Ryan Seacrest.  

And yet we're STILL talking about it.

May the force B with you (B for Bingle)

A party, no invite and SPECIAL guest gets LOOSE!

These were bumped out and cleared JUST for the event

I didn't receive the invitation but apparently it was written in the sky.

I was NOT prepared for such a spectacle and I felt VERY under dressed.

I've been to some pretty very memorable events.  This city throws a rip-rorter of a soiree.  A congregation of celebration quite literally happens seven nights a week thanks to the fabulous and tireless work of our heaven Event Planning and PR companies, and attended by some fabulous (and some tiresome) well dressed peeps.

We've partied on Wayne, we've partied on Garth, and we've partied on at some ingenious original hotspots (read random) to celebrate quite literally ANYTHING and YES.... I actually HAVE been to the opening of a fridge.  Granted it was an Alex Perry for Electrolux fridge, so the whole night (and the fridge) were as seamlessly executed and as fashionably fabulous as an actual Alex Perry gown!

But the fridge couldn't open itself.

It could probably defrost itself though.

But it couldn't be it's own opening.

Call in the party peeps!  What makes a good party (it's not the endless supply of Australian Bubbly) it's the endless supply of bubbly Australian party peeps.

There's lots of parties I'm not cool or current enough to be invited to, and one of these parties happened today.

There was a party on my very own balcony and I wasn't even invited!  Had I known the calibre of the stunning guests flying in for the occasion I probably would have flushed the toilet.

The stage is set!

The backdrop for the venue was spectacular.  Top secret venues are all the rage and this party was so top secret, no one else even knew about it.  I was the only one sitting on the balcony for the arrival of our special guest.

He flew in especially for the occasion and landed centre stage framed perfectly by his backdrop (great staging at this party).

SPOTTED! FRAMED!

Realising immediately that something special had joined my party of one, I did what everyone else seems to do when a special guest arrives, I pulled out my iPhone, tried to get as close as possible to the guest labeled 'special' and started taking pics.  Lots and lots of pics.

Guest has had SERIOUS media training, there's not a bad photo.

I'm so grateful he allowed me so many tweet pics of his Hermes-ablades outfit.  Stunning.  It totes put my gym gear to shame.  However my navy Adidas with Black Body Science was possibly a little more seasonal than his Spring or Summer colour pallet, but maybe he's wearing next season, Summer 12/13?  You can't dis fashion.

He obviously felt he'd met and finished his media obligations (although he never did mention who he was wearing) because after a couple of hundred iPhone camera frames....... he'd had enough.

Exiting stage right, camera left, OP, you can't HIDE in that outfit buster.

With the guests official arrival duties complete, it was time to get him a drink.

Beverages weren't sponsored at this event, so we won't mention what he's drinking.

I got the chance to thank him for the photos but I don't think he really listened.  He kept looking in another direction pretending to take in the view, but I could tell he was looking for someone more important to talk to (remember, I wasn't even invited)!

Checking the view my arse, that body language SCREAMS you're not listening.

I got a feeling THIS is who he wanted to meet but he didn't want to make it obvious.

Perhaps this is what we will ALL be wearing in Summer 12/13

I didn't want to listen in but is Cupid mixing on the DJ decks at this event?  Cause these two are nudging closer and closer.  Can practically see this Sunday Telegraph headlines already 'Special Guest Hooks Up with Aussie Local'.  Maybe they bonded over fashion trends.  Is that Lara?

"act like we're looking at the view, but it's 0414 #$% (@*"

Laughing at each others jokes.

Someone's said something funny or is laughing off a celesbian affair.  The ice is broken, party is now clearly pumping.

It's at this stage of any fabulous event or party with a special guest that you should stop taking pictures.

and THIS is why.................!

You really shouldn't be flying yourself home.  Do you even have a license ATM? 

So while I wasn't even cool enough to be invited to the party on my OWN balcony, I'm really glad I happened to be there for the arrival of the special guest.  Thank you for flying in just for the occasion, you added such a distinct personality and colour to make it an EVENT.

Please come again.

Same time next week?

Pigs might fly!

I DO! Jack-Jack-Jackie and the Muscle Marie Claire!

love is love is love is love is love

Thank you Jackie Frank and thank you Marie Claire.

Do you, Adam Williams thank Jackie Frank and Marie Claire for their lawful, credited plight to campaign that your love is equal to their reader's love regardless of sexuality, gender, colour, ethnicity, income, postcode, net worth, eye colour.... I do.

I DO!

Marie Claire you may be a magazine, but right now you are our God!  A god that loves thy neighbour in a non judgemental way and is empowering your readers and believers to have faith that one day, if we work hard and harm no others, we too can be as valued, as important as and as equal to your other readers.

Primarily a women's magazine, I'm awed that Jackie and her team are strong enough to take a stand to fight for my human rights as a man who loves another...... well simply loves ANOTHER.

I'm grateful to the women who came before Jackie who actually fought in the 19th Century to ensure women were regarded equal to man, for without them Jackie wouldn't even have been able to have her platform.  MEN decided that women had no right to vote, to hold public office, to work, to fair wages or equal pay, to own property or to be educated.  Lucky we sorted that one out hey..... Julia Gillard.

I wish our female Prime Minister had a better memory and could remember that day too.  Perhaps Ms Gillard is too busy worrying about her RED hair?

I mean the bible suggests that Eve's red hair was the stain of sin and folk law suggests red hair a sign of a witch.  And MAN actually chose to burn 45,000 of those red head FEMALE witches with abnormalities like freckles and..... red hair.

It's lucky Ms Gillard's boyfriend doesn't have red hair, because Hitler banned the marriage of two red heads fearing their children would be deviant offspring.

Speaking of Hitler, only TODAY did Australian Christian Lobbiest Jim Wallace compare supporters of marriage equality to NAZIS while debating with Dr Kerryn Phelps (who ironically is Jewish).  A classy call that one Mr Wallace.  Clearly so well educated.

I hope Ms Gillard has never heard the phrase 'I'll beat you like a red head stepchild', a phrase born in the American South in regard to illegitimate children.  They did love their slaves in the South.

Power to Ms Gillard, red head slaves were actually more valuable in price than non read heads.

But it's literally absurd in this day and age to imagine our Prime Minister's hair colour should determine her price as a slave.... or a witch.

It's actually ABSURD and offensive to recall the day there even WERE slaves.

It's absurd and offensive to recall the day women were not equal to men and one day if I can marry and give a safe and loving home to a child, they will look back on the day when I was considered not equal and think..... how ABSURD!

How ABSURD and OFFENSIVE!

We are EQUAL.  You are EQUAL!  Thank you Jackie Frank and thank you Marie Claire.

A x

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK!

Drive it like you stole it!

oh yeah, and um........................

LOVE thy neighbour!

EQUAL LOVE!

Kylie and the Queen STEP BACK IN TIME

I like things such as social media and blogs to happen in real time, otherwise I feel like I'm commenting on yesterday's news.  How ironic that yesterday's news is as English as fish and chips but lacked the sparkle or quality of a diamond or a diamond jubilee.

It has taken me this long since watching Kylie's performance at the Queen's Jubilee Royal Arena Spectacular to pick my jaw back up off the floor.  As someone who professionally enjoys to sink their teeth into a creative concept or brief, I can't for the life of me figure out what Kylie's creative director was thinking when they sunk what I imagine to be their old false teeth into this performance.

The concert was in celebration of the Queen's 60 year reign and maybe this explain why the stylist chose an outfit Kylie might have actually worn 60 years ago.  The buttons as a statement feature literally popped, and genuinely served to remind me of the Pussy Cat Doll's fourth single off their PCD album.... aptly titled Buttons.  I think PCD was released in like the 90's or something, this might be the tie in reference for the 90's choreography by the female back up dancers.

Let's give a shout out to those female dancers.  With the Daily Mail rumouring the worldwide Jubilee audience could exceed a billion (BILLION not a MILLION, that's 'The Voice' nightly audience times 500) it genuinely takes courage to wear a hat inspired by the feathered head dresses worn by the queens horses (and all the queens men) when pulling the royal carriage.  Clearly it was these hats and their equestrian reference that inspired the girls silver harness detailing and must have been the reason behind pulling out ye ole 90's favourite dance step 'the pony'.  The pony dance step can often be seen at Eisteddfods in the pre-teen age groups and was a favourite amongst choreographers between 1989-1996.

I personally have never considered dressing my female talent in a baggy silver pair of shorts.  Being such a bold and rarely seen before fashion choice, perhaps it was a smart move to somewhat disguise them beneath a knee length skirt.  The queen would dig this fashion choice and agree it was 'blooming marvellous' because at 86 years old, all of her skirts are knee length too.

I would have spent a little more time rehearsing Kylie's onstage dramatic costume change.  The old favourite 'throw of a jacket offstage' was a massive hit during both Frank Sinatra and the Queen's hey day, but I would have worked a little harder to ensure the camera didn't close up on Kylie's shoulder area and her Spanx Shapewear the newly revealed corset was not designed to cover.

And what a corset it was!  The design of this was appreciated by two whole new demographics, neither of which is the Queen's age.  Young GAGA fans would have saluted their union jack flags to the bra strap pearl necklace reference and the young at heart Madonna fans would have loved it's salute to Madonna's cone bra (and what an era that was)!

I really would have liked our Kylie to have BYO'd a set or a water fountain...... or ....... a water fountain and a set but maybe she didn't cause the set would have got ruined if it happened to rain at the Queen's jubilee celebration of her 60 year reign.

It's was certainly obvious by the mid section of Kylie's performance that her hit 'Step Back in Time' was ultimately the inspiration for all of these choices.

I'm very glad the Queen arrived in time to see Kylie.  I mean she arrived fashionably late.  A whole 90 minutes fashionably late missing Jessie J, Grace and Tom Jones (don't know that couple), Cheryl Cole and Cliff Richard's salute to the England's love of canned salmon.  But she had planted her box in her royal box just in time to see our Pop Princess.

I hope Kylie didn't notice the Queen was literally wearing yellow ear plugs during her well thought out performance.  A little fashion advice for Elizabeth, nude and skin toned shoes lengthen the leg and nude or skin toned ear plugs are less visible by the entire world's media.

DISCLAIMER: a heartfelt apology to Master Craig Dimples

Hey princess, have a seat queen!

Have a seat princess.  In 60 years we can all eat cake!

I couldn't sit in the same chair for 60 years.  I'm a theatre lover and even by the end of act one my arse needs to get up during interval, stretch my legs, grab a drink, sit in a different chair, look at different faces, talk to a million people and tell them what I really think before returning to that same theatre chair to spend the remainder of act 2 swapping my weight from waxed cheek to cheek, crossing and uncrossing alternating legs.  All the while, probably due to my fidgety appearance, I might be looking a little disinterested in the theatrics in front of me, but genuinely I could be quite enjoying the spectacle.... just not enjoying sitting in the same chair.

I actually couldn't even look at the same chair for 60 years.  I recall taking an antique French side table to be spray painted high gloss white by the car paint man.  I then organised holes to be cut along the back of the newly painted table top to allow for insertion of halogen up-lights.  These lights were utilised to create a new mood and atmosphere in the living room.  They illuminated the purpose-built-to-scale new mirror hanging above whose frame wasn't allowed to be PAINTED white, but instead had to be sent to the same car paint sprayer to allow for continuity in the whites (especially when lit).  If I was the one having to look at it for the next few years, it had to be to my exact specifications, otherwise I certainly couldn't look at it for 5 minutes, let alone 60 years.

I certainly couldn't allow someone else to decide the style or colour of the chair I might be required to sit in for 60 years.  I called three meetings trying to decipher whether the fabric on my preferred sofa was the correct tweed.  Does this tweed say who I am?  Does this tweed project who I aspire to be?  Does this tweed suit my lifestyle and more importantly suit the already photographed and mood boarded elements I'd so far purchased to decorate my new bachelor pad?  Under no circumstances could I allow someone else to decide such an important decision for me.

So to any queen out there mid-twenties, if you're on holidays in Kenya acting like a little princess and you get an email to say your dad's left you a chair and he wants you to go sit on it for as long as bloody possible and you manage to sit on it for 60 bloody years.... we should throw you a rockin' party and give everyone who has watched you sit on that chair a day off work and let them eat cake.  The day off work would be to celebrate your GAGA poker face and the cake would be a sweet consolation prize cause MAYBE you didn't even like the look of that uncomfortable old chair in the first place.