....that's SO gay!

think pink!

If I hear "That's SO gay!" one more time, I'm going to explode like a hot pink can of cherry pop that's been shaken and thrown in a prop propelled Susan Stroman inspired group jazz extravaganza purposely choreographed to travel the length of Sydney's flamboyant Oxford Street for the annual parade d'extravaganza Mardi Gras in celebration of all things different (but equal) and performed by woman who love women, men who love men and people who just love people equally (well let's be honest, perhaps some of those men 'explode' over other men too.... just as frantically as that can of cherry pop after being shaken and thrown around for whole duration of that long parade route!).

or do I mean 'root'?

To reiterate what you're already thinking and keep things honest, the sentence above is just a touch melodramatic.... but so am I. 

However, the phrase 'that's SO gay!' is being misused on a scale that is far greater than the misuse of women's accessibly priced sequin high street jackets worn by men at fashion week.

Here is the source of my problem:

On Monday night Charlotte Dawson and I threw on some forward trending attire and headed on down to the Fox backlot for the live recording of Ch9's The Voice.

Note to self: swing set at Fox studios doesn't allow stilettos.  What the hell will I wear if I ever choose to use the slippery slide?

After pre drinks in the 'I Paid for the Show' or 'I'm Famous' or 'I Know Famous People' or 'I Know People who Paid For The Show' SPECIAL marquee we headed on down to the studio and took our seats.

I'm friends with some pretty high profile people and some gosh damn powerful people and may have been on TV once or twice myself so am 99.99% lucky enough to always secure any 'special' area or seat (I hate the word 'VIP Area', just because we recognise a stranger doesn't make them 'very important' and I reckon some of the most important people in the whole world are too busy making a difference where it really counts to go to multiple parties per week and pose for multiple photos of themselves.... with themselves).

Anyway.....

The two seats next to me in the 'VIP Area' (groan) were unattended just before filming started so two 'General Admission' standing room only ladies were sat there to ensure no empty seats were shown on camera.  Considering the seat God had initially decided they weren't even worthy of having somewhere to place their lard arses and had now miraculously changed his mind to title them VERY IMPORTANT people and thus should rest their weary legs by gifting them thrones amongst other VERY IMPORTANT people where they can actually SEE what they had lined up for 5 hours to see, you'd think they would be happy!

but THIS is what I heard:

Girl 1 "my phone's running out of battery"

Girl 2 "that's SO gay!"

Now as a raving homo it wouldn't be incorrect if you referred to ME as gay.  And since I actually AM gay, there is NO ONE else in the entire universe MORE of an EXPERT on being GAY than ME!  Cause GAY means.... ME!

Me being gay (pink on blue)

Me on my skateboard not really being gay, but STILL being SO gay!

In the olden days, gay also meant gleeful, happy, cheery, vivacious, joyful and playful so it didn't bother me when I initially discover the term was being used to describe my lifestyle choices.  However with our ever increasing reliance on our iPhone to ensure our ongoing contact to the outside world via Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and also all those other applications I apparently NEED to be current, I couldn't for the life of me work out how her iPhone dying could make her feel vivacious!

Usually I incorrectly think I know everything, but in this circumstance I had to go out on a limb and asked the seat filler with the lard arse so clearly made to fill a seat "what do you mean by that?"

Girl 2 "means it's crap"

Gay means CRAP?  I am crap?  My lifestyle is crap?  The umbrella term used to describe me ALSO means crap?

An example of my crap lifestyle

No.  No it doesn't.

For once and for all I'd like to clear this up.  To all of those people using the term 'that's SO gay!' in an urban dialogue to describe something that sucks (sucks.... incorrect choice of words?) I mean to describe something that's bad.... please stop.

Please stop NOW.

(was going to include a picture of me sucking.... but didn't!)

It actually doesn't offend me personally because I have an overinflated opinion of myself and am lucky enough to feel confident and strong in life in general and more often than not, the use of my over accentuated hips in my walk could best be described as 'that's SO gay!'  

However I don't want those still discovering and possibly less accepting of themselves than I to believe the term and title given to them to describe a part of their being (directly aligned to their pursuit of love, relationship, union, commitment and equal partnership) to also be used in an urban dialogue referring to something bad.

Sex is NOT bad (if you know what I mean).

If you are stupid enough to think 'gay' can also mean 'bad' then below is some examples of the correct use of the phrase 'that is SO gay!' (I've kindly used picture examples.... just in case you are uneducated in other areas and also can't read):

Calling your Hermes towel a 'maxi infinity headress' and doing a photo shoot wearing it by your pool
"that's SO gay!"

Driving over the Harbour Bridge in head to toe sequin to make someone happy
"that's SO gay!"

Playing dress ups EVERY time you visit Al at the Alex Perry head office
"that's SO gay!"

WEaring Dolce&Gabbana fur to visit a recycling dump
"that's SO gay"

Your LV bather closely resembles a shoe string bikini
"that's SO gay!"

Entering to host a black tie gala on a ride on mower
"that's SO gay!"

Driving for so long looking for the Artisian baths you think you've made it to the Eiffel Tower
"that's SO gay Paree!"

Doing a photo shoot AT Artisian baths with the Russian tourist who made her own hat and bag out recycled plastic shopping bags
"that's SO gay!"

Now let's all go and be SO gay!

A x